Isn’t life lived mostly in the meadows? Sometimes we hit high peaks in the mountains, sometimes we’re in a blue valley, but most of the time life is lived on an even keel for me now.
It’s hard to be ordinary, isn’t it? It’s hard to live in constant pain and it’s hard to live in the plains of life.
When you live with chronic abuse, you get addicted to the highs of the chaos. Don’t take that to mean that I liked the abuse, but the level of constant churning drew me in. Time and time again I found myself living out the riddle of the abuse cycle.
Now that I’m much farther down the road, I find myself drawn to peace. That’s what I call living in the meadows. There isn’t a lot of chaos anymore. There is self-discipline and balance. And, I find that hard sometimes. Maybe even a bit boring.
Seems odd, doesn’t it? After all my screams to God to end the pain and suffering, when He does and my life is far better than its ever been, why do I have a hard time living without it – the pain?
I know why – it’s because is feels so very different. My nerve endings aren’t splitting with the intensity of living inside my frenzy. They’re learning to calm down now. My days aren’t lived out running away from something, they’re intentional now.
My life is now drawn to the meadows. It’s where I find God. We walk together and He shows me more about who He is.
It’s a beautiful thing!
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord