I’ve wrestled with my thoughts for most of my life. Truly. As a child, I was a contemplative little girl.
I had to be. It seemed no one else in my house had a thought past their nose.
Unfortunately, that created a cavern of anxiety in my small being. Anxiety has been my friend longer than any other emotion I’ve had.
It seemed to me the evil folks always won. First my parents, then my husband of 17 years – and then it dawned on me: I have the power to change this.
I was 35 years old before I learned that.
I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness,
The wise man has eyes in his head, while the fool walks in the darkness.
Ecclesiastes 2:13
In my twenties I prayed that God would grant me wisdom. I knew with wisdom I could someday leave the darkness these people chose behind me.
And, it worked.
Although, I can tell you, that seeing is more difficult than not seeing. The old saying “ignorance is bliss” is a pretty accurate statement, although it does leave you in darkness.
I think we all would like to believe we’re walking in wisdom, but are we asking ourselves the right questions?
Do we seek pleasure to stop the pain?
Do we hide away instead of pursing our goals?
Do we allow people to walk all over us to gain their acceptance or do we stand up, not giving a damn of their opinion?
I don’t know how much ground I’ve taken back from the enemies of my past, but I do know this – I am eons ahead of where I once was.
That, to me, is satisfaction enough.