Many struggles met me when I was actively redeeming the parts of my past that needed healing.
One of the hardest for me was going back and confronting the people who hurt me. When my mind’s eye was closed and I didn’t see their crimes, it was much easier for me to be around my abusers. When my eyes were fully open and I confronted the events in their entirety, I was left in a conundrum.
It was now not so easy for me to be around the people who had hurt me.
They’d never said they were sorry, because most likely they were not. They never acknowledged anything.
I told my brother one time, “I don’t feel like you love me.” His reply, “That’s your fault.” My father called me a liar most of his life and my mother held out that she had done nothing wrong to me.
Whew! How do you stay around people who make your world false?
I couldn’t do it. They had no integrity and I guess, I shouldn’t have looked for any from them.
So, I grew in my own integrity. I seated myself at the table of God and asked for His ability to see past all the pain.
I’ve worked countless hours on building myself.
To each of them I have returned, presented myself in full honesty and offered my forgiveness. I didn’t change my story, but pursued it. I didn’t let them off the hook, but rather held each of them accountable for their crimes.
It set me free from them.
I used to struggle with their absence. I used to want to be part of their holidays. Not so anymore.
I used the power of my own confession to break myself free.