Abusers carry with them a spirit that seduces you. They don’t come to you with gnarly teeth and uncombed hair. They present as love, care and nurturing. Particularly, to a child.
This pattern stayed with me most of my adult life.
Abusers can be fun, alive and seemingly fearless against the cares of this world. They hunt their prey with a swift determination to win.
Normal people felt off to me, boring and cold.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The seducing ways abusers use to sexually assault children hunted me for years. I can still hear the distant drumbeat of it all. It’s a dance that I learned to pattern myself after. Their lessons have been difficult to undo.
Year after hideous year I was taught by these teachers. When my mind was overcome with distraught frustration and pain, unfortunately, I returned to the ways of my past; denial, dysfunction and collusion.
Overcoming and fully casting off the cloak of denial that was handed to me has not been an easy task. To see the whole, unadulterated truth has been daunting and liberating – almost a dichotomy of sorts.
When your abusers seductively whisper their lies to you that nothing happened or what did happen wasn’t that bad, they are keeping you enslaved to the silence and degradation of it all.
With everything good in me, I pled with myself time and time again – hold on to the truth, stand against the wind of deception and carry on.
It’s hard to see wickedness play their games and seem to win. Which of them is brought to justice? Which of them sees the inside of a prison cell where they belong?
My heart has these small deadened areas that weep for all the injustices under the sun. Maybe its my way of paying homage to them. Maybe it’s my way of being able to stay in the truth and defeat them.
I’ll continue to carry on and fight the good fight of faith. I’ll do all I can to bring these abusers to light and hold them accountable for their deeds. It isn’t popular or easy, but it is right.