Help Me Let Go

Expectations are different than hope. Hope is an eternal currency. I think expectations limit me.

An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

I think I like hope better.

A belief that something will happen sets me up for a bit of failure. I believe someday I will be able to excavate the dumpsite and return the murdered woman to her family. We almost made it, then my expectation was dashed by greedy people who obstruct justice.

I still have hope!

There are agencies working with me now to pressure the police into giving me a search warrant. My family shut the excavation down but my hope remains.

Most of my life I had an expectation that my abusers would love me some day. I believed somewhere that they genuinely cared for me and that they just had a skewed way of showing it. I stayed with an abusive man for 18 years because I believed that my unconditional love and acceptance of his abuse would change him and he would turn from his ways and love me and my children.

Wrong, I was so wrong.

Hope is a path that doesn’t come with a map. There is no guarantee with hope. Hope speaks softly to my soul that in the end, things will turn out ok.

My stepdaughter said that her mother told her, “expectations are premeditated resentments.” I think there is a lot of wisdom in that statement.

I am aiming to stay on the path of least resistance and I don’t want to build resentments. Hope will remain my currency.