Living through all the evil in my childhood should have set me up with a clear vision to see evil as an adult, spot the deceiving way of an abuser and recognize their lies.
My mind had been poisoned so severely that my vision was skewed and I could not predict a true predator when they were hunting me. Instead of fleeing them, I seemed to run towards them, I often embraced them – even when I didn’t want to be around them.
This was my pattern time and time again. I choose the wrong one! Oh, they’d pursue me but I couldn’t see their plan, not fully. Their ill-intentions of using me for their gain – I just could not see. I trusted what their mouth said and didn’t spend time investigating what my heart was trying to tell me.
Somewhat like alligators in the Mississippi River. They should not really be there! Although it would not be impossible for an alligator to find itself there, it is very unlikely.
Don’t we all really want to believe the best in people? That their intentions towards us are good? And, if a person is bad, we would know that right away.
Do alligators live in the Mississippi? This is a picture of a 727-pound alligator. “In the daytime, if you’re lying on a bank underneath the tree, you ain’t going to see them,” Brockman said.
When you come from chronic abuse, you ain’t going to spot an abuser easily either. Strangely enough, it was the good people I found hard to sit by. They felt uncomfortable to me, brought up my shame and didn’t have the charm that abusers have.
Proverbs 30 talks about charm, it says that “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
We have to look deeper to find the lurking predators. Undo the work of our past.
I’m learning to find the true qualities in life that matter. Leaving the ways of my past behind, I strive to find something my forefathers didn’t give me.