Legally speaking, mayhem refers to the gruesome crime of deliberately causing an injury that permanently disfigures another.
Deliberately causing injury.
These are the people I grew up with. It’s no stretch of the imagination to understand why I then picked this same bred to create new bonds with. It’s all I knew.
Oh, I was bonded with my family but had a hard time believing that it was love. And, strangely, I didn’t seek out a different kind of bond. I sought the same thing I knew.
Why was that? Seems I’d want to run to anything that looked and felt different. But, I didn’t. I ran to the same old familiar bond. As a result, I received a lot more injury at the hands of other people.
In The Body Keeps the Score, they chat about this dichotomy a lot. In the Chapter, Putting the Pieces Together: Self-Leadership, it is explained in some detail. They use a metaphor for the abused person called the “internal family systems therapy (IFS). These separate internal parts that help the abused person survive.
It is all so very complicated. The very self-leadership I needed leaving my parents home was somewhere lost deep inside of me. Buried under my survivor skills and protecting myself from the full terror of being annihilated.
That terror was a very real threat. I don’t live with that terror today and my self-leadership is back in the driver’s seat. I continue on my journey and I don’t keep bonds with mayhem any longer.