Most abusers, at some point in their life, become self-righteous people who behave as if superior to others. This usually happens some time down the road from their over-exposed behavior of abuse. In the early years, they appear out of control with addictions, they are usually angry and have many destructive, abusive ways they throw out against their victims.
Then, something seems to happen to them as the approach a different stage in their life. They “clean themselves up.” On the outside, that is. The heart remains unchanged.
They actually try to learn the art of piety, so they can show up differently. They realize they’ve used their last token to just be who they want to be. They hone the craft of pretending – only for others, that is.
They know who they are and they know they haven’t changed. They have just learned that they may be found out if they continue on in the same manner.
They need people around them.
If you are abusing your children, you have all power and authority over them – for a time. But, as time goes on, children grow up and leave you. They take with them the story of the family.
So, what do abusive parents do? They try to clean their act up!
Not by the means of true character forming, integrity and acts of seeking forgiveness from those that they’ve hurt. They try to wipe away the memory and sting of the abuse they’ve injected to others through standing up a false stage on which they begin a new performance.
It’s all poppycock.
Real change is messy. It’s uncertainty at its finest.
Healing should never produce in a person some kind of role that you are better than the guy next to you. Fake pride comes from fake stories and false change.
You can clean yourself up through the appearance of goodness, for a time, but you’re not fooling me. Not anymore.