Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder

I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you.

Jewel: As I move through menopause, it’s hard to look at my aging body. There are changes. Last night in my hot tub, I was moved to tears when God reminded me that I never wanted to look at my body. As a matter of fact, growing up, I knew what my mother’s breasts looked like but I hadn’t even looked at my own. I didn’t want to.

When God told me – U C U (you see you), I didn’t know exactly what He meant. Literally, I hadn’t ever wanted to see myself – physically, mentally or spiritually. My eyes only worked for others.

That’s not true today. I do see myself. I honor myself for my integrity and work I have put into undoing all the shit that was tossed my way.

Gem: Silicone earplugs! Really!

All my life I’ve been listening: in the night hours, when the day is just beginning, and all through the afternoon my ears were perched listening for my protection. Any little noise and I’m up, wondering what bad thing will happen next. I sent for some silicone earplugs a few weeks ago, put them in before I turned the light off and to my wonderment, they were terrific! Mindfulness was easy as I listened to my own breathing – it was a soothing tone.

With this constant sleep, I’ve even have had a few real dreams – the stupid ones that mean nothing. Since my childhood most of my dreaming, maybe all of it, was about the murdered lady. Not so today. That, my friends, is miraculous.

Metaphorical Gunpowder: The belief that I am not worth a quick glance in the mirror. The belief that I need to avoid the appearance of my own body. Fuck that shit (sorry religious folks, I can’t think of a better way to put it)! I am worthy to look at. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of respect. I believe that God honors the servant’s heart that lives within me.

Leave your jewel, a gem or something you kept yourself free from with metaphorical gunpowder.

You see You (U C U) today!

Published by Gracedxoxo

I have the courage to tell my story to help others embrace theirs.

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