My childhood was filled with broken promises. Thinking back, I’m not sure I even knew what a promise was. A promise was something that was supposed to be fulfilled and included hope – neither of these things were commodities in our home.
I can remember one promise. My mother told me and my siblings to get in our swimming suits and she’d take us to the river. We’d been stuck on our mountain all day and it was summertime. The thought of being taken to a swimming hole was amazing. We all put our suits on and waited for her. The sun was beginning to set when we learned we wouldn’t be going.
Now, it’s really no big deal to not have made it to the river that day but the message was clear: Hope deferred made our hearts sick.
I didn’t dream of my future much growing up. I wasn’t taught about my needs and the hope of tomorrow should include yourself, right? The violations I received had broken my inner mechanisms.
I needed new wiring.
My thinking, my emotions and my physical being all came through with damage. Every single part of me. That is a lot of work to repair.
The other morning I got up at 1:00 am to drive my grandchildren to an airport about 3 hours away. As I was dressing, I heard God say to me, “Jodie, you can’t do this alone.” I knew He meant everything. I’ve been on self-pilot for a long, long time.
I have His promise today, I can’t do this alone. The beautiful part is that I don’t want to anymore. That is hope!