My Equity is with God

My value and worth wholly belong to my Father in Heaven.

As I struggle in my humanity, I’m often faced with an edge of hopelessness. Will my pain end? Will I see an end to suffering? I don’t have a timeline for when or if my healing on earth will be complete, but I do know one thing – I’m working it out.

Daily I walk on.

It’s not easy to live your story in full honesty. My mind seems to be the most at ease when I’m chatting about my truth. When I squelch a memory and bring no light to it, it haunts me. It’s like it demands a reckoning. That means it’s going to hurt to pass it through all of my being.

I sometimes get stuck in these moments.

Sometimes a memory comes back and it’s not that hard to deal with. It was like the air in those moments of abuse were stagnant and dead and the memory plays itself out that way. Other memories are electric and alive and cause pain to my core.

The injustice and inequity I have lived through can be a bitter pill to continually swallow. I’m not going to falsify the intensity that healing takes. I woke up this morning and my heart was sore, my soul hurt and my mind was exhausted.

“Is the memory at peace now,” I question? Deeper still, can I be at peace now.

On my walk today I heard God whisper to me that He was sorry for all I have been through. A shockwave of love flooded my being. I’d never thought about God being sorry for all I have endured and to hear that whispered was such love.

Such a lovely way to end that harsh memory, bring love where damage had lived.

My prayer for myself today is this, “Father God in Heaven, may my days on earth that I have left be spent in your service, giving back to others who have been harmed. May my words bring them peace, happiness, joy. Fill my words with hope and understanding. Let my words speak as words for all survivors of crimes we did not commit.”

In Jesus’ name, Amen.