I Didn’t Start This War

Prejudice exists. I’m judged and categorized so often for my upbringing and it gets old. I’d be much more acceptable to them if I didn’t stand by my right to speak.

Uncomfortable and unending, the opinions around me fly. Why don’t they be quiet? I didn’t ask them, did I?

My battle scars are a strong indication of the war lI have lived through. It makes me who I am. That scar tissue is now twice as strong as the skin it replaced. I’m proud of them. The integrity it took to earn them and heal – outstanding.

Time and time again I’ve been minimized and belittled as I shared just a small portion of my childhood. My mind would scream internally to them, “You don’t want to hear about it, yeah – I know!”

My thoughts continued, “You don’t even have the strength to hear about it? Try living through it!”

Unfortunately, there were many times that I choose to spend my time on the wrong side of the tracks. There, I found my people, I suppose. They were more tolerable of me and had understanding. They too often had their own story to tell.

It was easier than trying to fit my square peg into society’s round hole.

I hurt myself more than once as a result of being shunned. I don’t believe the rules of this world are designed to hurt me, but they do. The rules folks live by seem to mimic the rules of my father, don’t they?

Let’s see, there is “Don’t talk unless you’re spoken to” – that’s one. How about this, “You can join us and be apart of us when you get your pain under control.” I heard that one a lot as a kid and I’m still hearing it now, as an adult. Go heal yourself and come back.

Why do these rules look the same as the rules of an abuser?

I have decided I’m not living by their rules anymore. I have my own. I can be messy and unafraid. I can be vulnerable and strong.

I’m not living by the rules of this culture any longer.

God tells me to shout from the roof tops what He’s been speaking to me. He tells me, “I’m free.” He calls me by name and says, “I am courageous.”

So, I didn’t start this war but with the strength of God, I am ending it.

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