The Fermented Juice of Jealousy

I don’t understand how an adult can have jealousy towards love given to a child. Of course, I believe that homes of incest don’t really offer love either. Nonetheless, my mother was desperately jealous of any time my father gave to me.

How sick and wrong is that?

Jealousy is a curse that was born out of the division in Heaven between God and Satan. It’s pure ugliness and holds nothing good for the person it envies.

Before I turned 4, I remember my mother bathing in front of me. Her suggestions were that she was beautiful and I was not. My short fat legs were nothing compared to her beauty. I’d like to say this was a far fetched imagination I had, but facts remain.

Three generations in her family recall her bathing in front of them, too.

To get on with my story of living with her jealousy, it was a cruel beast. It tore at the lining of my soul and ripped at any worth I tried to maintain.

If they can’t be you, they will try to destroy you.

While we are discussing such things – isn’t the act of child molestation a form of jealousy, too? Think about. A child has what the abuser does not have: innocence, vulnerability and need. They jerk those precious God-given gifts from you with an angst that comes from hell.

When I grew up, I wanted nothing to do with the stench of this poison.

Jealousy is a curse that I do my best to live far away from. If I see someone that I’d like to be more like than I work harder, pray more and thank God that this person showed me a different way.

The painful imprint this curse left in my life was shattering. I will leave this wickedness behind me and carry on.