An Appetite for Change

Healing takes a mindset of growth. As a seed becomes a plant, there is visible change. The same was true in my life. The more I healed, the more everything starting to look just a little bit different.

Many of my relationships in life took drastic turns: from the men I dated, to the people I choose to see in my family.

The winds of healing blew a different outlook onto my paths.

I suppose the old saying that no one really likes change isn’t true for me – anymore. If I hadn’t embraced change, I would not have healed.

If I didn’t make the choice that I would seek healing at all costs I would still be listening to my family call me a liar, I still would allow men to treat with disrespect and my friends could continue to betray me. I’d just do what I always did – minimize under the guise of “forgiveness” and then continue on with them.

That’s not me anymore. I’ve got better things to do.

As I’ve gone through my garden of life, I began plucking out the bad weeds that had sprung up unnoticed. They didn’t belong among my flowers anymore. They were taking up space – space that I needed to grow better things.

It took a great deal of courage to muster the strength to change. My reasons were many. I already lived alone so why would I want to remove anyone? They were at a distance, weren’t they? What damage could it be to keep my family close? How could just dating an abusive man but not living with him hurt me?

These reasonings kept me stuck.

The voices of mockery, people who did not believe my story, those folks who mistreated me and constantly betrayed – oh, they mattered. They mattered greatly.

They plucked away at my self-esteem. Their bonds continually undermined any integrity I was trying to build and they secretly laughed at my desire to grow.

They made me feel ugly inside.

Not today! Today, I encourage my growth and welcome change. Not sudden change, but change I get to dictate. A deliberate kind of change. The people who sit at my table are different now. The mockers live outside of my hearing and I pay them no attention.

My eyes steady on my path forward, I trust myself.

I have an appetite now that allows a natural desire to satisfy my need to heal.

4 thoughts on “An Appetite for Change

  1. I see very few posts about SOLUTIONS to our maladies. I really appreciated how you told your story. Hell, I could feel the resolve from your words. What a great example of “we do recover.” Your byline is quite startling! I can share in a trauma milieu, but I can’t imagine the horror it suggests.

    Liked by 1 person

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