I Don’t Have to Sugarcoat Reality

Because my faith is so strong, I feel free to declare the truth of my life. Acknowledging my afflictions does not in any way diminish my faith in God. Rather, it proves it.

My examples of God’s protection over me and my children’s lives are many. Each time I tried to reconcile with the family I was born into, God would warn me in various ways.

I always listened to Him.

Many years ago, I dreamt I was intently watching this big white spider lay her very delicate eggs. After she laid her eggs, she backed into a very dark corner to watch over them. These eggs were nestled together in this spider’s very strong web. As I watched the spider egg sacks, I knew each sack had hundreds of eggs that were incubating evil.

I knew I needed to kill those eggs but the white mother spider sat looking from her perched distance. I wasn’t sure how to accomplish it. I decided to act because the birth of those eggs would bring much wickedness. I thought if I could just reach in and quickly pinch them strong enough, they would die. I had to try.

As the dream continued, it became clear to me that the spider was my mother and the eggs were hers. That gave me an added burden in wanting to protect those I loved. I had to find a way to demolish the evil that would be birthed. Now, it was unborn and the evil underdeveloped.

In the end, I decided I had to do something so those eggs could not hatch. I reached towards the eggs with a determination to quickly extinguish the evil they held. With one swift move, the white spider bite the back of my hand with a mighty force. It was so powerful it jolted me awake.

I was trembling, the back of my hand ached, but at least I was now awake.

I recognize God’s power and control over my life. I also recognize that I don’t fight my mother’s flesh and bones but the evil control she allows. She grows evil with pleasure. Maybe it’s the illusion of power it brings her to believe she has ultimate control and relieve herself of her own pain. I’m not sure why and I don’t care anymore.

I left her at the feet of God and I continue pray for her.

I no longer live with the effort to please the family I came from. I have a family. My husband, my children and grandchild.

I will do my best to protect them all the days of my life. That is where my loyalty lies.

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