Forgiveness Looks Different Then You Think

I’m angry about all the people who tell victims of brutal crimes to forgive. What angers me is that they have no idea what they are asking us to do.

Were they in the rooms where it happened? I don’t think so. Did they hold our hand as we walked through the years, trying to undo the nightmare of the past? I don’t think so.

Why, in ignorance, is it the business of anybody to tell a survivor of a crime what to do next?

It baffles me but it happens every day. We are judged by their measures but they themselves have no way of ever understanding what they judge.

What do they know of forgiveness when it comes to such great atrocities? This wasn’t a car that got stolen, it was my virginity. I have scars on my face from physical abuse. I have listened as my children describe what they suffered under the hand of yet another pedophile – their father.

And here is the parade of well intentioned folks telling me to forgive. God wants me to move past it all.

I have forgiven and I know sincerely what that means. Deeply, passionately and full of grief, I have let go of the many things on earth I will not find justice for in my lifetime.

But, don’t tell me to forgive. It’s not your job, it’s mine.

Even God gives me the choice.