Growing up, I can’t remember a time when I was told I was stupid, but I always knew my family thought I was. I was too stupid to create a thought of my own, so they needed to tell me what to think. I was too dumb to figure out pretty much anything, so my father would need to guide everything I saw. My mother must have believed I had no mental capacity to remember, so she was free to be who she wanted to be. And free to do what she wanted to do.
You get the drift. They wanted me to believe I was stupid but I wasn’t stupid at all. In fact, I was smart enough to know I wasn’t dumb, they were.
If I had believed them, I wouldn’t have built a play area in my closet to get away from them. If I trusted their supposed words of kindness, I wouldn’t have secretly despised them and knew they were liars.
My dreams even sparked me on in truth. I knew my mind held the integrity to return it to me someday and that’s exactly what it did.
That’s not being stupid, is it?
The Bible says that the demons believe in God and quake in fear. Does that mean that stop being evil? Certainly not! The same was true when my parents tried to force me to believe their lunacies through their contrived stories that made them look better and made me look the fool.
When I married my first husband, he continued reinforcing the narrative that I was stupid. I couldn’t even make fried potatoes correctly. It seemed to me that most of the relationships I had, somehow cast a shadow of doubt on me and my mental capacity.
I had to stop believing them. I had to refute the idea that if there was a problem, I was the problem. I had to silence the voice that said, “If there is something wrong, it’s because you are stupid and allowed it.” These built-in thought patterns taught me that I deserved what I got and that I had no real voice or strength to change it.
When I would try and open my eyes to see the abuse I lived in, I was immediately swept away with a feeling of being stupid and trapped. Stupid because I believed I could do nothing about my circumstances and trapped because I had no power.
Today, with just a high school diploma, I operate two departments in a large law firm training and developing our people. I’m not stupid. I just needed to get away from stupid people.
In my life today, I try earnestly to spend my time with smart people, the kind of people who digest the truth and regurgitate it with full, raw honesty. They don’t hide from the accountability it takes to see the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I don’t have time for those folks that water down any notion of what really happened in life.
These words of C.S. Lewis are staggeringly cool! I’d like to share them with you: