Of people pleasing, that is. You think if I were raised by people who held nothing but disdain for me, I would hate people. To the contrary, I’ve all too often kissed everyone’s ass.
I am tired of it!
The older I get the more God shows me to look only at myself. “U C U,” I hear Him say. I’m learning, but it isn’t easy. My inner dialogue often belongs to someone else. When I hold steady to just seeing myself, my peace returns.
I have removed the mask of pleasing people.
What can I control except me? Can I control the anger of another person? Do I get to dictate their affection for me? Can I stand in the way of their betrayal?
Then, the question remains. Why do I want to please them?
Monkey see, monkey do. It was everything I was taught as a child. The handbook of behaviors that was handed to me and chiseled into every fiber of my being was to comply. My pain went unseen. My emotions – unchecked. My thoughts and patterns ran after other people. If you care too much about what other people think you will always be a prisoner to them.
That is no longer true. I struggle with it a great deal but I find myself on the other side looking back, yelling at myself to be still. Move away from the want of another’s affection – that is, through my service to them.
Love is a free gift. Without burden kindness should be offered. No judgment involved in an invitation for lunch. Just like a home, we are the doorkeepers to our own beings. Only we can allow who comes in and out.
These are my new rules. I see myself. Clearly and defined. With purpose and determination I carry on.
If I were you, I wouldn’t get in my way. I don’t care what you think of me, and – I love you.