The Accidental Overdose

Of people pleasing, that is. You think if I were raised by people who held nothing but disdain for me, I would hate people. To the contrary, I’ve all too often kissed everyone’s ass.

I am tired of it!

The older I get the more God shows me to look only at myself. “U C U,” I hear Him say. I’m learning, but it isn’t easy. My inner dialogue often belongs to someone else. When I hold steady to just seeing myself, my peace returns.

I have removed the mask of pleasing people.

What can I control except me? Can I control the anger of another person? Do I get to dictate their affection for me? Can I stand in the way of their betrayal?

Certainly not!

Then, the question remains. Why do I want to please them?

Monkey see, monkey do. It was everything I was taught as a child. The handbook of behaviors that was handed to me and chiseled into every fiber of my being was to comply. My pain went unseen. My emotions – unchecked. My thoughts and patterns ran after other people. If you care too much about what other people think you will always be a prisoner to them.

That is no longer true. I struggle with it a great deal but I find myself on the other side looking back, yelling at myself to be still. Move away from the want of another’s affection – that is, through my service to them.

Love is a free gift. Without burden kindness should be offered. No judgment involved in an invitation for lunch. Just like a home, we are the doorkeepers to our own beings. Only we can allow who comes in and out.

These are my new rules. I see myself. Clearly and defined. With purpose and determination I carry on.

If I were you, I wouldn’t get in my way. I don’t care what you think of me, and – I love you.

6 thoughts on “The Accidental Overdose

  1. Oh, how I agree, Jodie. I need to sit back a bit and remind myself “I can’t help all of the people, all of the time.” Funny, I had a long chat with my youngest son earlier this evening and we talked about this. He was telling me he’s back in touch with his counsellor, talking around ‘being everyone’s helper and how exhausting it is.

    I know, and he realises he needs to take a step back. He’s now a physiotherapist, so working with ‘needy’ people all day. I’ve watched him; he worries about me (I told him not to), he’s looking out for his aging grandfather, his close friends, his flat-mates and now his wife. Reminds me of me, in the past lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think a man with an experience has much to say about something he knows. The opposite can be true, a man without an experience uses many words to say little. I deeply appreciate you reading and commenting. I’m out here trying to find others like myself – in need for comfort. And, it makes me smile that you think about arguing – I think that means you read to understand. xoxoxoxoxo

      Like

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