Another disturbing parcel through this healing journey has been others preconceived opinions of me that are not based on reason or knowledge of my experiences. I’ve learned that ultimately their opinion doesn’t matter, but that took some time.
How do folks get so judgmental? The stronger question to me is, “Why do they want to be that way?”
When they look at my life, why do they choose to abandon my successes only to dwell on what they consider failures? Did they have an intimate knowledge with the facts of my life? Did the onlookers stop to ask or did they know what my heart is founded on? My question to them, “Is it any business of yours in the first place?”
Bystanders, mockers – those that judge, I couldn’t stop them but it wasn’t that it didn’t sting.
I’ve been married four times. I’ve often drank more than the guy next to me. I cuss. Let’s see what else? I am the director in a large law firm, I have learned to deeply love the person sitting across from me. I am full of forgiveness and grace. I gladly dedicate myself to a God that sees me.
Did the person who judged my next drink know I was dealing with a murder scene that I had to resolve? Did they have the facts that my dreams would keep me up all night? I told an AA’er once that alcohol helped save my life. If I couldn’t have slept, how would I have built my career?
Was I promiscuous because I wasn’t married and wore red lipstick? Some thought so.
I have learned to listen to a different voice. The One that wakes me up each morning and beckons me on. The One voice that continually cries out to me in the dessert and tells me to be still.
My parents found religion when I was about eight years old. It was not faith but a darker cover of denial. My mom got into some weird Satan stuff and wanted to share her “god” experience with me. She prayed over me one time and started prophesying that I was “holding the scepter of Satan.” My right hand gnarled up in protection against her wicked power.
I bet no one would have guessed that.
My point is this: carry on! Don’t let the words of some coward stop you in the your healing journey. People who glare into the lives of others do it because they don’t have the strength to look into their own.
Do not let them judge you. God sees the whole story. The journey is messy and full of dead-end roads. Just turn around and take a different road if you need to but never give up.