If you’ve missed the part of my story where I saw my parents full of hope and love, I guess I haven’t shared that with you yet.
Bonnie and Clyde loved each other deeply. In a bond against the world, they survived. I have sometimes compared my parents to this daring duo.
Growing up, they were my world. I wanted to be apart of their love story. I ached to belong, but I was separate. I was just a toy in their world. They had a love/hate relationship that was so well-crafted, it was hard to distinguish the two.
I wanted to be part of their bond.
For years, I desperately tried to remain apart of my family. I tried to empathize the way in which they portrayed themselves to the world. Alas, I was hard pressed and burdened by the true facts of the story.
Another fact about Bonnie was that she lied. She lied to cover up her own crimes by saying that Clyde and his gang had kidnapped her.
My mother did the same. The parallels are many.
I’ve had to grieve a considerable amount over the loss of what I wanted my parents to be. I ached for them to continue on a road that would heal them. I longed for them to be set free. I had to give that all over to a God who could work miracles, because that’s what my parents needed.
If I stayed in the destructive winds of my yesteryears, I would lose the battle.
I don’t fight this battle anymore. I’ve walked away from it completely. If there is more forgiveness to be found, they will have to walk towards the light. I cannot lead them. into it.
I have found peace with it – all of it, because I trust in His unfailing love.