U C U

You See You

I couldn’t help being born into people who would put me in a prison by their crimes. But, I can do something about what I now spend my time gazing at and it’s not them.

They say we have no control over the past and it’s true. I can tell my story now as a result of looking at myself, not by looking at other people. I don’t know who my parents are, I only know what they did to me. Those are two separate things and I don’t want to waste my time trying to figure them out.

I don’t think we can ever understand an evil mind. I wouldn’t call it a mental illness. It’s only pure evil that can harm a child in such vicious ways. If the veil that hides evil were to be lifted in this world for one minute, we would be shocked at that revelation. Evil is responsible for the cruel injustices that are born in this life through the people who allow it.

It’s not my job to figure out anybody else but myself.

If everyone in this world did that one thing with all earnest, what a different world we would live in.

It’s really quite profound when you think of it. How free are we when we aren’t worried about the guy next to us? Why is it our job to determine the sins of another?

I once heard a unique definition of codependency: when you’re dying, you see someone else’s life flash in front of your eyes. Is that how we want to live?

I have enough ammunition to blame my parents for eternity for what they did to me. I could be an alcoholic and justify that – truly. I could be a rage-a-holic and never get all of it out of me. I could hunt them all the days of my life seeking answers and trying to find justice.

Instead, I have made a decision. I will be responsible for me, myself and I. I will hold myself accountable for where I go next and the choices I make. If I make a mistake, I own it. I ask for forgiveness when those actions have hurt someone else.

I take pride in discovering deeper parts of myself that I haven’t yet met.

What I will not do is seek vengeance at the expense of another. I include my parents in that statement. I will seek a justice much higher than that.

When I explored other people, I always ended up at a dead-end road; blocked at advancing. When I explored myself, with God’s great guidance, I found freedom. It was just what I was looking for.

5 thoughts on “U C U

  1. I’ve thought more than once, that when a parent goes through the loss of a child, whatever they do with that pain, is justifiable. However they survive such pain is acceptable. Same with someone who’s trauma as yours. Also, letting the searching for understanding and stuck in un forgiveness, is like, “ taking poison, and waiting for the other person to die” is what it’s like.
    Thanks for sharing. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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