When I kept my story hidden the weight was too enormous to bear.
The older I got, the heavier that weight became.
So, I told my story.
As a little girl my deepest longing was to belong and to be loved. It was very simple. If I had told on my parents and exposed their deceit, I would have lost any hope of finding that.
Of course, the fear of telling is yet another layer of dread.
As I became a woman and had children of my own, I was confronted with a choice: stay in the denial I was taught, drag them along and pass down a generational deceit; Or tell the Truth. I decided I would tell the truth because my love for them was deeper than any longing I had for myself. So, I began to tell my story in my early 20s.
Katy bar the door! [Katy bar the door is an exclamation that means watch out, trouble is on its way. This is an American phrase, usually heard in the southern United States.]
It didn’t go well for me.
I had underestimated the battle that would ensue when I refused to drag their sin along with me on the cords of deceit. I know people hate the word sin, but what else do you call such debauchery? Incest is something not many want to talk about. And when you do, its not at all welcomed.
Oh, you can sit in a dark corner and share with someone else in a quiet secret. But, to announce to everyone this atrocity? Not so much!
I found myself in a battle not just against my parents, but a battle of light and darkness. I needed tools that were outside of my strength to get through. Tools from a kingdom not of this world.
I found those tools. I told my story. I’m still standing. Find your story and tell it with all the strength you have. Pray for the other strength you will need to endure.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12
My father molested me so I understand some of your pain. It’s a long road to deal with the guilt, shame and wonder but I finally reached that place of moving forward. My father was mentally ill and now I have a different perspective even though that doesn’t excuse or make it right. He took his shame to the grave when he killed himself. It is a part of who I am and it’s in the past. I’m a stronger person, I know what I can overcome and that is enough for me. I’m glad you are sharing your story, incest is a topic not to be swept under the rug but one very difficult to talk about. Many of the things he did noone has ever heard me say outloud. There my secrets. Take care of yourself. 🙂
I am so sorry you lived through that. This is my way of making lemonade out of the many lemons I was given. I hope it helps the burden of the weight of your wounded secrets. I am here for that reason. Appreciate you so much for your vulnerability in sharing this. xoxoxoxo
“A battle of light and darkness” – yes, very relatable. While the abuse I endured did not come from my family, the lack of support I received from them when I was able to find my voice caused its own harm. I am sorry for all that you went through. I appreciate your brave and vulnerable sharing. 💕
Thank you, Sara. And likewise, I’m so sorry for your loss.
❤️
We really do need to tell our stories, and have the horror of it witnessed and reflected back to us by others, in order to move on. It’s an incredibly scary and courageous thing to do. We take a huge risk when we make ourselves vulnerable …. but it is so very important. This should NEVER have happened to you. It’s devastating and changes your life profoundly in numerous ways. But you can never be free if you hold onto these secrets. You would feel you were living a lie.
So very true! So very true. Thank you for sharing with me and reading my story.
There is just so much of a prohibition over telling the truth.. it is changing slowly and will continue to change.. for a long time an inner voice kept telling me I was making stuff up, but it was there, the need to be loved and held and empathised with.. I never got that either.. that is why we must overcome the inner critic and so many inner and outer prohibitions to heal.. thanks for being one of those people brave enough to speak about it… <3
You are so very welcome! It helps ease my burdens too.
It truly does, Jodie.
Im happy since I’m reading 📚 the new posts yet that you found peace. I hzve as well and forgave my abuser. Gox did it not me. I feel for you. See u again soon 💓 I hope so i can read a little more. Send me a comment sometimes so u can visit you.
I’m happy you’re here, too!
Sending you light, love, and strength. Tell your story to whoever listens. I’m sure it will help you and others.
Thank you!
You are absolutely right. Incest is a sin, a profound violation w/ spiritual implications, as well as a crime. As an incest survivor, myself, I share your pain. Exposing the violation will almost always cause upheaval, often family division as individuals take sides for and against the truth. That upheaval is not, however, the responsibility of the victim. It is a consequence of the sin, therefore, the responsibility of the predator. You are an example of courage to your children. May God continue to support and strengthen you. <3
Thank you for your post! I love it. The responsibility is the predators not ours. And, thank you for your prayers – I’ll take the add support and strength. I need it. xoxoxoxoxo